September 25, 2016 / como / 0 Comments
When a child divorces, grandparents are often left swinging in the breeze, especially if their child is the non-custodial parent. They often miss out on traditional family celebrations such as birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, and others. Will they be welcome and included when a former in-law takes their grandchildren into a remarriage? What if their former son or daughter in-law marries someone with children of their own? What role does a step grandparent play in a step family?
The role of step grandparents in a blended family
As a grandparent, your role in the new step family remains the same as before, except that it has expanded if your child’s remarriage includes children of his or her new spouse. Your life experience, wisdom and capacity to love, which have improved the lives of your biological grandchildren, can be a useful tool in creating a wonderful relationship with your step grandchildren.
The benefits children gain from loving grandparents is immeasurable, one comforting characteristic being constancy. You can help your grandchildren adjust to a new step family by supporting their roles as step siblings; you do this by accepting their step siblings – and their step parent – with open arms and an open heart.
Make yourself welcome
How can you make yourself welcome in the new blended family? Treat everyone like what they are- family. Every child should be treated as if they are equal in your heart and in your mind. This means equal gifts, equal time, equal love, and equal interest. Many grandparents feel conflicted in this effort, feeling it may mean taking something away from their bio grandchildren, but doing otherwise can put them in an uncomfortable position with their step siblings; it can also work against the goals of the blended family.
Your wisdom and life experience will be a big help if you do not actually feel equal love for your step grandchildren, at first. This is perfectly natural, and you can at least act as if you do until it becomes reality.
A fresh start
Put aside your feelings about your grandchildren’s parents. Your grand kids love and need them both, and if you want to be part of their lives, you must accept both their parents, and their step parents, as well. Remember, kids are innocent bystanders in adult decisions. Even if you feel animosity toward your former in-law, or your new step in-law, you can still focus on having a wonderful, respectful relationship with your new step grandchildren.
Be open
Let your step grandkids call you Grandma, or Grandpa, or whatever pet name the rest of your grandchildren call you. These terms of endearment will personalize your relationship and encourage a feeling of equality, which is the goal of a blended family. Get to know each new grandchild individually. It can be a challenge to figure out the best way to get to know them, bond with them and to truly love them, but the effort is well worth it.
Make time in your life to spend time alone with each child, sharing things you love to do and learning about things the child loves to do. Attend school plays, sporting events, and band performances. Talk about your history with each child and ask to hear their own histories. When you spend a little time at the onset, you show them they are an interest and a priority in your life.
If you don’t have anything nice to say
Never, ever speak negatively about any of your grandchildren’s parents or step parents, step siblings, step aunts or uncles, or anyone else in their blended family or extended step family. The quickest way to be dis-invited to family celebrations is to engage in the kind of talk that can cause dissent, disruption, or hurt feelings.
If you want to be part of the happy and supportive blended family your son or daughter is attempting to build with their new spouse and their children, you must not do or say anything that is at cross purposes with their goals. Put your own emotional needs and fears aside and focus on what is best for the grandchildren in your life. Their interests lie in a successful blended family. So do yours.
The bottom line is, all new relationships take effort and a learning curve. You do not get to choose the step grandparent relationships thrust on you by choices your children make. Likewise, your new grandchildren are also thrust into new relationships without a choice. You have that in common! You can help each other by accepting and loving each other, and add value to your lives in the process!
September 23, 2016 / como / 0 Comments
One of the things we are taught when we are young is to respect each other and to treat each other with the up most respect. However some where along the way we seem to forget the art of good will. There is a simple meditation that you can use to help you ensure that your heart, mind and soul each day maintain good will towards all mankind.
The first step in this meditation is to sit comfortably into your meditation position. The recommended position for this meditation is to sit on the floor with no back support or alternatively sit on a chair with no back support. Ensure when you are in the position that your back and shoulders are straight, your head is upright, eyes closed with your palms pointing up and open.
Begin the meditation session by using a basic breathing technique. Clear you mind and use the simple breathing technique to ensure that you have focus to start the next stage of the meditation session.
First in your minds eye imagine your immediate family such as your husband or wife and your children if you have them. In your mind, begin with the mantra, “May my family live in total peace and in true happiness”. Continue saying this mantra whilst you see your family in your mind. Feel the love this mantra produces for your family. Feel the happiness and peace as your family lives its life in total peace and in true happiness.
The next stage of this meditation is to now extend that mantra to those people in a wider circle such as your friends, business associates, your customers and anyone who you may have met today. Now extend your mantra and say the follow, “May the people who come in contact with me who I call my friends know the love and peace I have to share.” Feel the love and peace to be extended to these people.
For this to truly work, you must now in your meditation session see one person who may have wronged you during the day. It may have been someone who cut in front of you whilst you were driving, an angry customer or somebody who was abrupt or rude to you. You must now use the mantra, “May the person who felt it necessary to be rude, know true peace and happiness and may they learn to treat others in kind”.
If at any time during your meditation session your thoughts track to inappropriate feelings such as anger or angst towards someone, simply start the meditation session from scratch and practice the mantras till you can get to the point where you can extend the goodwill to the person that took your focus away.
It has been proven time and time again, a person who harbor grudges and hate towards others live shorter lives because the hate builds into stress that causes stress to your body and weakens it. One of the great mantras or sayings I live my life by, comes from the greatest man to have walked on this earth and he spoke these words, “Love one another as I have loved you.” We have Meditation Music available to help you with your meditation. If you are suffering Asthma then check out our Buteyko Breathing Method training program. If you would like to read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill to learn how you can achieve greater success then you can get access to this book by visiting our website.
September 20, 2016 / como / 0 Comments
In a perfect world, you can have a good job, a great family, and perfect neighbors. Unfortunately, you can’t always get three out of three. However, with a little lesson in persuasion and assertiveness, you can at least deal with one of the three constants in your life. In this article, I will teach you how to deal with bad neighbors.
Not everyone is the same. However, that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate every snoopy old lady or every noisy family that lives next to you. If you want to know how to deal with bad neighbors, read on!
1) The Old Rumor Mill
Don’t you just hate it when you have a neighbor who loves to gossip? Such a person will always try to find out what you’re doing, where you work, where you bought your clothes, who you are seeing, etc.
It can be quite frustrating especially when you don’t even like that person in the first place! So how do you deal with bad neighbors like this one?
Stop encouraging that person. Don’t feed them too much information. If you want to be polite, you can always say -I’m sure you’re not interested in something so trivial as (insert issue here),- and then change the topic into something about them, -Oh, what lovely flowers you have there. Where did you get them?-
Other variations include: -It’s personal.- -I’d rather not talk about it.- -Please respect my privacy.-
2) The Noisy Family
Sometimes, you end up living next to a family that makes a lot of noise. Their kids might be in a band or one of them might like to play the stereo really loud. The father might like mowing the lawn at an ungodly hour or the mother might watch her soap operas with the volume turned on high. Here’s how to deal with bad neighbors like them:
Well, letting them know is the first step. If the kids are the noisy ones, talk to their parents. It’s not really your place to discipline them. If the parents are your problem, explain your situation and talk about how you can find a balance. If they refuse to budge, let the community leaders know about it.
3) The Stalker
On the rare occasion, you might find yourself with a neighbor who is too interested in you. He or she asks you out all the time, or invites himself/herself to your house.
When this happens, tell that person that you’re not interested. Period. Cut off that line right away and don’t give him or her any ideas about a possible relationship.
In a perfect world, you get along with all your neighbors. But that isn’t what happens in real life. However, if you know how to deal with bad neighbors, you can maintain peace and harmony in the community.
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September 19, 2016 / como / 0 Comments
Great Tips for Planning Caribbean Vacations
Caribbean vacations provide a fantastic opportunity for partners to have an amorous moment together, and for family members to have time together and experience the trip. However, you will need to map out your Caribbean vacation completely prior to embarking on this enjoyable vacation. One of the first things you should consider is the time when you are to travel choosing when to have Caribbean vacations include several factors like the price, the weather, crowds, and other factors. Another thing you should keep in mind when planning your vacation is which island you are going to go; not all islands are the same and the island you choose will determine the sights youll see and the activities you can do. Consider the many rental options before you leave, and decide on whether or not you would like to make hotel bookings in a regular hotel, or an all-inclusive vacation resort for instance. Furthermore, make sure you have with you the required travel documents, and ask your friends or family members to keep an eye out for your place while youre gone.
Must-See Attractions on a Caribbean Vacation
Caribbean vacations spell fun in the sun and water-based activities, not to mention gorgeous beaches and plenty of things to do. If you are headed for a Caribbean vacation to Cayman Islands, head on to the amusement park at Grand Cayman for only $50 this is certainly one park you shouldnt miss. You should also check out the many art galleries in the Cayman Islands and in Jamaica, specifically in Grand Cayman and in Ocho Rios as these art galleries provide tourists an excellent way of understanding the islands culture. Tourists can also find plenty of spas on the majority of the Caribbean islands which provides a great way to relax and unwind after a whole days tour. Vacationers that are in the Caribbean along with their family members will also delight in butterfly watching, going to carnivals, walking through rainforests, and also other points of interest and attractions. Given the number of islands to choose from, Caribbean vacation trips absolutely offer something for each family member.
Have a Caribbean Vacation in Barbados with the Family!
A Caribbean vacation gives many recreational pursuits for vacationers as well as an abundance of lodging selections, turning it into a fantastic choice for family vacation trips. Barbados is one excellent Caribbean vacation spot for vacationers with families, as both parents and kids can equally appreciate water-based activities or just chill at the beach and enjoy yourself. Kids will love learning activities in Barbados, like a visit to the Barbados Wildlife Reserve along with the Harrisons Cave. Families can sign up for a submarine trip, a helicopter ride to view the entire island from above, or even a safari to enjoy the natural beauty of Barbados up close and personal. What makes the vacation rentals and lodgings in Barbados great is the fact that these resorts offer child care options and things to do just for kids, so mom and dad will surely have time alone so they can relax and enjoy their break. A Caribbean vacation in Barbados is one vacation where all members of the family will truly have a great time, so consider it as your next family vacation.
The Best Time to Have Caribbean Vacations
Caribbean vacations are an excellent decision for a sweet getaway or perhaps for a vacation with the kids, but understanding the ideal time to travel stands out as the factor to enjoy the most from it. The best time to have Caribbean vacations actually includes several factors, like the weather, the activities you can do, as well as the prices. Generally speaking, to get the best deal for your money, visiting the Caribbean during the months of May to June is the greatest as this is considered as the slow period. Whats excellent with regards to visiting in the slow season is that there are much less crowds, quicker lines on the locations you would like to visit, and everything is less expensive. Right after New Year is also a great time to have a Caribbean vacation, except for June 1st to November 30th as this is hurricane season in the Caribbean. Many restaurants and tourist destinations are usually closed during this time, so you might not be able to travel just as much as you would like, but on the other hand costs are also lower when compared with peak season. If you plan your activities and how much you can spend for your Caribbean vacation, it is easy to figure out which is the best time to go for your vacation.
September 12, 2016 / como / 0 Comments
Supervising friends and family has the potential to be one of the most productive work relationships that exists in the workplace. Sadly, this is not always the case. Whether supervising a long time friend, managing a family member, or being promoted to supervising your peers, it is critical that all new managers learn to overcome these four pitfalls.
Poor Performance.
One of the most amazing dynamics when supervising friends is that they often will take you for granted, assuming that you will accept their poor performance because of your relationship. In fact, it often occurs that when the new manager is a friend, the employee begins to lessen their own standards of performance. Whether this is done intentionally or not, you must address it.. The greater problem is in the response you receive when poor performance is addressed. Often, new managers feel that their requests are ignored by friends they supervise. If this is a new supervisory relationship it is absolutely critical that you have a meeting in which you clearly lay out the expectations in this relationship. They need to know that for their sake (so others wont gossip about them) and for your sake (so your team will not lose respect for you and your authority) that you must treat them the same as every other member of your team, and that the performance standards as well as the disciplinary standards will remain consistent. If youve already begun to experience this, you must confront the problem directly. You can have an informal discussion about it at first, but if that does not change the situation, then you must address this in a serious manner. Follow your companys procedure for handling performance issues. Make sure that you clearly communicate that these are not just requests, they are directions given by their supervisor. Remember, everyone else is watching you.
Voicing Your Own Negative Feelings About the Organization or Your Supervisor.
Whether you are at work, a company function or hanging out at friends house, when you become a supervisor, there is a part of you that is always on. This means that there are now subjects you dont get into, and boundaries you dont cross. Even though you may have a legitimate issue with the organization, or your supervisor, never express them to the people you manage. First, it can negatively affect them as employees, especially if they have similar concerns, and cause severe future consequences. Second, it puts them in a very uncomfortable position, if they dont agree with all of your concerns. Third, it creates an environment that causes employees to vent and voice negative feelings even when youre not around, and sometimes about you. Fourth, it could very easily get to the wrong person and now affect your reputation. The key to this is you must find a new sounding board, someone who is at arms distance away from your job. Ideally this is someone who doesnt work with you and doesnt have any type of relationship with any one from your job, like a neighbor or a relative. In some instances it can be a co-worker in another department or a mentor, but use caution when thats the case. The two of you need to agree that he or she should function as a dead end (some you can tell delicate information to and it ends with them). Thus when you voice your feelings, there is no chance of it getting to the wrong person or negatively affecting someone involved in the organization.
Manipulation.
Of all the pitfalls that must be overcome, manipulation is often the most challenging. Manipulation occurs when the other person leverages their friendship against you to get what they want. First, do not let this affect you emotionally. Do not be fooled. This is rarely just a normal conversation that leaves you feeling guilty. This is almost always being done to you intentionally. More importantly, it is also a sign of disrespect. This person believes that you are weak and will succumb to emotional terrorism. Second, address this as early as possible. The more it occurs, the more it becomes a pattern. This also keeps you from building resentment. Third, dont beat around the bush. Subtlety is not effective in this situation. If you feel someone is leveraging your friendship against you, address it head on. One of the most common phrases new managers hear as they are being manipulated is, I thought we were friends! a great response to this is, In reality, if we were the friends I thought we were, you wouldnt put me in this situation in the first place. This helps to express that true friendship is not one sided and should not be used for the purpose of manipulation.
Favoritism or Perceptions of Favoritism.
You should expect to be accused of favoritism when you manage a friend. Avoiding the previous four pitfalls, will help to minimize any legitimate complaints a worker could have regarding favoritism. But in reality, even when you do your absolute best to make certain that all associates are treated based on their work, you must realize that not every accusation of favoritism is accurate. Many people dont take responsibility for their own performance. When was the last time you heard someone say, I didnt get that promotion because I wasnt qualified? Most would rather find someone else to blame or misapply a statement like Its not what you know but who you know. Dont let it get to you. This is just a combination of blame shifting and manipulation. Address the issue by letting the other members of the team know that there is no favoritism here and that every one is being held to the same standard.
Although these techniques may seem simple it doesnt mean they are easy, but when you overcome the emotional challenge of the friend-supervisor dynamic, success is assured.